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Thursday, April 07, 2005

Ten Reasons to Be a Calvinist

1. Calvinists tend to wear wool and cotton. Arminians tend to wear lime-green polyester leisure suits.

2. John Calvin moved away from France, setting a good example.

3. Calvin sounds like Calvin Klein..very chic clothes.

4. Calvinists can drink adult beverages.

5. Calvinists can smoke good cigars.

6. Arminians are into prophecy conferences where they talk about Star-Trek eschatology and the mark of the Beast. Calvinsts have conferences on "life and culture," art, social justice and other highbrow things like that. Afterwards, we do to the local pub and talk about philosophy over a pint of Bass ale.

7. Calvinists have close ties with Scotland and Scotland is very cool: you know--Sean Connery, the movie Highlander, Bagpipes, the Loch Ness Monster, Glenlivet 18 year old Scotch, the movie Train Spotting, Brave Heart, etc.,

8. Calvinists think we are smarter than anybody else. We have high self esteem. We talk about supra- and infra- and know what we mean. We know the difference between the Economic Trinity and the Ontological Trinity. We know about the filioque and why Rome was right, although we don't like Rome much.

9. It is more dignified to say, "I go to Grace Reformed Church" than to say, "I go to Washed in the Blood Worship Center," or "I go to Happy Wind Fellowship Believers Assembly," or "I go to the "Latter-Day-Rain Deliverance Tabernacle Prophecy Center," or "I go to the Philadelphia Church of the Majority Text," or to say "I go to the Lithuanian Apostolic Orthodox Autocephalic Church of the Baltic Union of 1838."

10. Calvinists had no choice; it was predestined.
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